Thursday 14 September 2017

How are you doing today?

I was asked by several people if I was doing ok in the 2 years when Ruby was sick and while I was unable to talk about what was going on, at the time I really appreciated it. Today (September 14) is R U OK day and it is a good day to ask someone how they are doing, don’t just ask today, ask any day of the year R U OK?

Four seasons in one day
Lying in the depths of your imagination
Worlds above and worlds below
The sun shines on the black clouds hanging over the domain

I have been asked a lot in the last 7 months “How are you doing?”.  The odd thing is I do wonder if people are just asking how my day is or how I am doing coping with my grief/loss/dealing with life/bleakness of existence etc.

Even when you're feeling warm
The temperature could drop away
Like four seasons in one day

How do I answer? That always depends on the day and what I think the question really is. Most of the time I do say some days are bad and other days are good and that I am taking each day as it comes.

Smiling as the shit comes down
You can tell a man from what he has to say
Everything gets turned around
And I will risk my neck again, again

No really, how are you? It is a bit of a cop out/cliche that I say some days are bad and some are good - but it is so much easier to say. Honestly, it would be more true to say that some hours or minutes are really good and other minutes are bad.

You can take me where you will
Up the creek and through the mill
Like all the things you can't explain
Four seasons in one day

Don’t BS me - How Are You Really Doing?

I am doing much better than I expected. Back in February I thought I would be a complete mess several months in. I’m not. While it is true I miss Ruby everyday and I do have very sad moments (a song, a photo or a movie can set me off), that doesn’t stop me enjoying life, friends, family and even work. In fact I appreciate these things even more than I used to - knowing that we only have a brief tenure in this life. And we don’t know for how long that tenure is.

Blood dries up
Like rain, like rain
Fills my cup
Like four seasons in one day

I have been doing to grief counselling every month since February. I steadfastly refused to go to any kind of counselling previously as I honestly didn’t think I needed it (actually looking back I did need it). I have asked my counsellor several times how she thinks I am doing - so far she thinks I am doing well.

It doesn't pay to make predictions
Sleeping on an unmade bed
Finding out wherever there is comfort there is pain
Only one step away
Like four seasons in one day

I really think I don’t need to go to counselling anymore. Therefore I will continue to go, probably until early next year. I think I can work out / recognise when I am having issues and I can always go back if I am having trouble. I also go to set a good example to my boys who I need to make sure get help if they need it. I know there are good/bad/indifferent days. I am prepared for some (such as birthdays, anniversaries, mothers day and others) and at this time I have enough resilience to get through the unexpected days.

Blood dries up
Like rain, like rain
Fills my cup
Like four seasons in one day

I thought I would try a bit of a writing challenge for this blog post and try and write something to the words of a song. I was listening to Weather With You by Crowded House recently and the song really spoke to me in a way I hadn’t considered before. It isn’t my favourite Crowded House song (that is Recurring Dream), but I have always liked this song. I’m not one for analysing songs/books and finding their meaning - but when I was listening to this in my kitchen I realised the song was really about the ups and downs of life. That really resonated with me and I thought it a good way to explain how I am actually doing. 

In reality other songs resonate with me more. U2’s One is a song I truly love - it has taken on many many layers of meaning over the years - even more so recently with the people close to me who have died in recent years - but the lyrics just didn’t work for this blog post (and it too is not my favourite U2 song).

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