Monday 5 February 2018

12 months - Remembering Ruby

Saturday 3rd Feb was 12 months since Ruby died (my original post 12 months back). It seems such a long time and yet at the same time not so long ago. On Saturday my logical brain said this day is no different to the previous 364, but my emotional brain was on a rollercoaster ride. And to be honest it was in charge.

I felt like there was extra pressure on me and while I was ok, there was an undercurrent of sadness ready to leap out. I know I need to be aware of the “big” days and I make sure I am ready, have things to do, have family/friends/support around. But Saturday felt very different to Ruby’s birthday, Christmas and the 6 months. And I still don’t know why it was different.

I was planning on writing something and posting it. I tried all week and couldn’t really find any words. I had a number of ideas, but I just couldn’t piece it all together. On Friday night I sat down with the intention of actually getting it done - I couldn’t. Just could not write. And just too upsetting (the bit about Depeche Mode, below, really set me off). On Sunday was able to write most of this post. I could write again. And I was back to where I normally am.

Ruby didn’t want those of us who knew her to be sad. She said to many people in her last week to not be sad and that she had had a good life. I'm trying to live up to that - have a good life and (for the most part) be happy. We only get a short time in this life and don't know how long we get, best not to waste our lives - and Ruby really didn't want me to waste my life.

A few times in the past 12 months (and honestly it has happened more often recently) I have found myself wishing I could tell/show Ruby things. I like to think she would have enjoyed Depeche Mode’s new album Spirit (released only a month after she died and the first single came out the day she died) and U2’s Songs of Experience (she did like Songs of Innocence). Or how the kids are doing - Tim being so improved at spelling and so interested in geography or how tall Jeremy is getting or how well he is doing at swimming.

This morning I have a counseling session. I have been attending these about once a month since last February. I think I am doing well and have been thinking for some time now that this would be the last one. It will be my last one. For now. I can always go back if I need to.

So while there are times when I really miss Ruby - I think that I was really lucky to know her and have her in my life. We all were.

Tuesday 2 January 2018

2017 - best bits

While 2017 started with losing Ruby I wanted to review the good/wonderful things from 2017. So in no particular order my favourite bits of 2017:
  • This photo of my boys at the ashes scattering. Sad but beautiful.
  • Thor: Ragnarok - seriously go see this movie (Teaser trailer). It was such a fun film! I had high expectations of this film and it more than delivered. And yes this was in a year that also had Wonder Woman (also great, I just had more fun watching Thor) and Star Wars - The Last Jedi.
  • Star Trek: Discovery. Star Trek is back on TV (well on Netflix) and it is very good. The season gets better with each episode. Looking forward to the second half of the season in January 2018.
  • Game of Thrones Season 7. Wow! Just wow! I’m a big fan of GOT and this season was great. They have really picked up the pace now they are beyond the books. 
  • Doctor Who: Series 10. Peter Capaldi was fantastic as the Doctor and this was a solid season. The Christmas special was a good sendoff. And while I am sad to see him go, I’m also really looking forward to seeing Jodie Whittaker as the 13th Doctor. 
  • Apple Watch. A 42nd birthday present. I have always loved wearing a watch and after a false start with a Fitbit (bloody things fall apart after 6 months) I bought an Apple Watch (Series 2) for my birthday. It’s been great and has actually to me to start exercising regularly. And I have had fun collecting a “few” watch bands...
  • On the subject of birthdays I had a great 42nd birthday. My beer appreciation tour of the rocks in Sydney went very well...
  • Conversations with my boys about Ruby. Some really beautiful and thought provoking moments. 
  • Friends who helped, offered help or checked up on me and the boys throughout the year.
  • Management course in August. Less for the management parts of the course! More that I realised being me and happy with that was very important. 
  • I can’t separate them - the three concerts I went to this year. Each was great in its own way. Peter Hook and the Light. Midnight Oil. Icehouse. Even though they were at the end of their respective tours the Oils and Icehouse were still on fire and were really enjoying themselves. 
  • Gingerbread - I worked out how to make it. Woohoo! Now to perfect it in 2018...
  • My new Skoda Octavia RS. I was sad to sell my Golf GTI (see An Ode to my Red Golf GTI) but the Skoda has been LOTS of fun to drive.
  • U2s new album - Songs of Experience. This is a great album and really spoke to me in many ways. More on this in a future blog post...
  • Writing this blog.